While I'm usually a very happy person (happy as in Phoebe from Friends, without so much of the dumbness), there are times when I begin to think about things and I switch into sad or thoughtful mode. Drives my family nuts because moodiness is NOT cool! I don't mean to be either....it's just sometimes stuff gets me down and it takes a while to pick myself back up. Why do I bring up this emotional problem now? Because I was just thinking of someone I know VERY well....and the kind of stuff she's recently gone through. It wasn't all her fault, but things would have been a lot different if she'd paid more attention....

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far way....
 (No, I'm just kidding, it wasn't that long ago or far away...I'll try not to let the nerd inside of me escape again)

ANYWAY....there was a girl who saw everything in black or white. Either you did something and believed in something or you didn't. There were absolutes and no middle ground. She had a great and loving family, she was pretty and smart, and believed that the world was hers for the taking. She believed in dreams, miracles, love, and God. She had two of the best friends anyone could ask for; friends who cared and included her and loved her. Stir in a good dose of athletic talent and she had everything she could ever ask for. Or at least, she felt that way until after a very busy summer.

Then the bomb dropped....one of said best friends decided that he really liked girl....and she didn't feel that way about him....she didn't want to date anybody. So friend sat in silence and cut off almost all contact with the girl, and then began to morph from a supportive and encouraging person into an over-sensitive and judgemental one. She didn't understand- she didn't know why everything coming out of her mouth came across wrong- and she felt duped, abandoned. Eventually she found out that he had only really liked her for her potential as a girlfriend and his sudden change of heart was this: He'd decided that she was not worthy of him. She's gotten over it, and has since forgiven and forgotten, but remembering how she felt at the time still feels like a lightsaber to the gut (Ugh, sorry). Also didn't help that other best friend became busy with family member/ best friend and said to her that she was too busy to hang out. Yeah, she was upset and lonely.

So for two months, girl was sad and lonely. Her parents said that she hadn't done anything wrong...but the girl wanted to know, WHY? Why if I did nothing wrong...if I did what was right....if I played by the rules... why do I not have a friend I can go to? It wasn't that her parents weren't patient and awesome, it was that there is a relationship you can have with someone who is not blood-related that you can't have with the family. She prayed, she asked God these questions and asked for a friend - and she looked around her for one wherever she went.

And then she met someone from a totally different planet. Someone who had a life almost nothing like hers, and yet the two became friends somehow. I won't go into details because for her it always comes out in a rushed and jumbled mess...but let's just say that they both had problems, and found a welcome ear in the other. And then, in November, he asked the girl a question that changed a lot, and her answer started an emotional roller coaster that only recently has she been able to get off of. He wanted to spend more time together, she told him he would have to ask her dad about that. He kept asking, she kept answering, and every time she did it hurt because she knew that he was too scared. He didn't understand the rules of chivalry or the book on How to be a Gentleman. The girl secretly liked the guy, much more so than she ever should have and people told her so, but she kept waiting and hoping that he would have the courage. And when he didn't, she'd become angry and cry and take out all her frustration on her family. She was mad that she let herself be played with, that she had become the damsel in distress that she had promised herself that she would never become. It took her a while to realize something: to him, she was not worth being uncomfortable for. She was only worth hanging out with because she worked with him. Now, liking someone and knowing that is like a lightsaber being rammed into your gut and then jerked upwards. It hurt her badly and she finally just said no to his offers because she became sick and tired of it.

I'm happy to say that, for the most part, the girl is OK. She still hates talking about time period, but she avoids it usually so it's all good. She might not be so much into romance anymore, but she's still looking around for that guy who will fight with her and for her and tell her that she's worth it to him....